Welcome to my standup comedy blog. I’ve created this to share insights, exercises, and ideas to assist others in having a successful career in writing comedy and performing comedy. I find that my Ah-Ha’s! have lead to “Ha-Ha’s.” This blog takes off where my book, “The Comedy Bible” ends. I’m hoping that you will find some gems that you can use in your own career, and hopefully others will contribute their ideas and let me know when I’m full of it. Read on.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Comedy Rant Contest Winner
In Judy's latest Comedy Contest, she asked:
Is there something that is genuinely pissing you off that you'd like to turn into comedy? Not something hacky like "the guy that picks his nose in the car" or "men that leave the toilet seat up." Something that drives you crazy, causes you stress, and begs you to say "Make it a double!" at the bar. The most interesting, creative, downright angry entry will receive one free 30-minute phone consultation with Judy, where she will help you transform your premise into a working comedy piece.
And the winner is: JAMES HAMILTON, from Houston, TX. Here is his winning entry:
E-mails. E-mails that are from "We should love everyone" groups that are built around the word "except..."
For example,
"Dear Friends"
(Why is it that when I get an e-mail that starts "Dear Friends" that I KNOW it's going to piss me off?? Which word triggers that: "dear" or "friend"? I almost always want to stop reading immediately after "Dear Friends". I want something specifically targeted to ME instead of a blanketed group. I think I would prefer, "Hey asshole"). But, I regress.
"Dear Friends, we at the Society for Humanity Improvement and Tranquility, want to bring to your attention a DIRE matter.
(Oh yeah, every single one of these e-mails is URGENT, DIRE, CRITICAL, VITAL, and really, really important. These people aren't planning ahead, EVER. They live in the "Oh Crap" mode. Sometimes referred to as the Com-mode).
"That's right, its a DIRE matter and only YOU can help."
(Really? ME? Is there actually even ONE urgent, dire, or critical crisis in the world waiting for ME to solve it? How the hell did THAT happen?? And where is the rest of humanity when the world is relying on an Irish comedian to solve their problems!! Oh sure, "We're low on Guiness" is on the list that catches my attention and even creates some cooperation between gray matter and neural responses, but folks, to be honest with you, that LIST is a wee bit small! Just me? Where exactly do I rank?? Have they tried EVERYONE else? If I were to pick up the phone, right now, and call Joe Smith in Sheboygin, Wisconsin and pose the question, "So, Joe, have you heard from the Society for Humanity Improvement and Tranquility lately? Really? Not even a postcard? The bastards! Has your answering machine been on? Yes, I see. No, no it's not all that important....just some urgent, dire, critical crap that they wanted me to take a look into. You know, end of the world kinda stuff. No worries, mate. Alright then, gotta run. Have a nice day.")
"Join our e-mail list / petition / torch-carrying e-mail forwarding mob of mindless Twitter friends and...."
(Wait just one second. These "Dear Friends" of mine want me to forward their mindless trivial undocumented, non-biased, unresearched, rantings of crap to all of MY friends in my addresss book so that I'll be perceived as some kind of nut?? They want ME to hit forward instead of delete so that children in Asia will get a daily allowance of Tuna on rye and that latex-bound dominatrix in Wisconsin who's beating the nonsense out of Joe...as we speak...stops for a breather in order to save all of Humanity??? Well, my friends...count me in!! S.H.I.T. indeed.)
Yup, Judy. That's what REALLY pisses me off.
Love your newsletters!!!!
James Hamilton
On Wed., April 1st at 7pm, James will receive a free 30 minute consultation with Judy to take this premise to the next level. And you are invited to join!
Call the following number to dial into Judy's conference call:
When: April 1 at 7pm PDT
Dial: (712) 432-0950
Enter Access Code - 840479#
Talk to you Wednesday!
On Wed., April 1st at 7pm, James will receive a free 30 minute consultation with Judy to take this premise to the next level. And you are invited to join!
Call the following number to dial into Judy's conference call:
When: April 1 at 7pm PDT
Dial: (712) 432-0950
Enter Access Code - 840479#
Talk to you Wednesday!
